The Real Mommy Brain

I always thought of myself as a fairly emotionally aware person (read- cries easily, gets feelings hurt a lot, was always “the sensitive one”) but having kids has made me realize that I had no idea what emotions were. I thought being pregnant was emotionally tough, but having these little animals out in the real world brings on so much more.  Here’s a look inside what I felt today.

FEAR None of us know what we’re doing. Is that fever serious? Do I let it run its course? Do my kids watch too much TV/eat too much processed food/ eat too many carbs/ have too much exposure to chemicals in cleaning products/ have too much exposure to GMOs/ not play outside enough… this one never ends.

HAPPINESS I can’t even begin this one. The smiles, laughs, ornery looks. Watching them play together (and even watching them fight, sometimes). Seeing them share food. Seeing them steal each other’s food.  Hearing the hilarious things my 3 year old says. Seeing the personalities coming out in the babies. All of the things.

ANGER Just. Follow. Directions.  Stop pushing your brother down.  Stop pulling your sister’s hair! Why did you do that?

FRUSTRATION See above.

GUILT Guilt guilt guilt guilt. Sometimes I go to bed and think I am a total jerk mom.  I think about what ticked me off, how I reacted, and am so sad.

CRAZINESS 3 kids in under 2 years.  ‘Nuff said.

GRATEFUL 3 healthy, beautiful kids. Who usually get along.

LOVE beyond love. Love so strong sometimes I just want to squeeze them so hard their heads pop off.

PAIN Goodbye former idea of what pain is. Hello childbirth.

EXHAUSTION I’m too tired to elaborate.

DISCOMFORT Carrying twins.  That’s 2 babies, twice the hormones, twice the size (I felt like it at least).  Heart burn.  Sciatic pain. Morning sickness alllll day long for 7 months. Waking up a million times each night because you have to readjust (which is like a semi turning around in an alley), because you have to pee, because you have heart burn, because you’re starving, because your toddler woke you up, because… you don’t know why but you’re wide awake!

FEAR Every time I leave the kids I am certain I’m never going to see them again.  Every. Time.

EMBARRASSMENT Oh your kid can identify letters of the alphabet and give an example of a word that starts with that letter? Yeah, my kid just said “eleventeen” and then picked his nose.

PRIDE Uh yeah, my kid said “eleventeen!” That’s awesome!

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J! 3!

We celebrated J turing THREE a few weeks ago!  It’s still hard to believe.  Proof that the days may be long but the times goes so. fast.

We hung balloons on streamers the night before so this is what he woke up to (we didn’t get pics in the morning because he got up at 5, ran to our room, and proclaimed that he was just “so suscited!!!!!!!” so these are after his nap):

There was some brotherly reading:

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And of course the Special Day plate with a BDay cinnamon roll:DSC_0073Now you know I love me a good big party. But this summer has been SO busy! And we’ve been traveling a lot more than normal, so I knew I just didn’t have it in me to try and make the garage look not like a garage. So we did the easy thing. We took the family out to eat.  I have to say, it was nice to have the party at the restaurant and not have a bunch of set-up or clean up to deal with! We went to Jethro’s in Ankeny and got part of the little party room. As soon as he had the cupcake J bolted outside with the rest of the kids to play. L wore a dress for the occasion.

We really try to limit the “stuff” J has as far as toys, etc.  The first 2 years we didn’t get him gifts at all- beyond having the party and everyone over to celebrate, I didn’t think it was necessary.  But three is such a fun age for gifts. Seriously- he’d open one, pull out the card and exclaim “A CARD!!!” like it’s all he’d ever wanted.  So I knew we wanted to get him something, but wanted to make it special.  I’ve had these 2 IKEA bedside tables kicking around the house for a few months, and decided to make them into a play kitchen for him. I’m terrible at “before” pictures, so just imagine this, but several years and other paint colors later (mine was slightly different and didn’t have the top drawer- they were just open):

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So I got to work a few weeks early (shocker!) and tore it apart.  Like I said- ours had been painted several times so I had to re-prime and re-paint white.  I used a jig saw to cut out the center of the door, took out the existing hardware, filled those holes and reattached the door to the bottom (instead of the side) so it would open like an oven.  I painted the inside black and toyed with making a rack, but didn’t do it (yet). The one on the left is lined with fabric I had laying around and some scrapbook paper also laying around from a previous project. I painted cork coasters black to be burners, craft door handles red to be like the Wolf knobs (and connected them loosely with screws so they’ll stay in but will turn), and added a handle to the “door.” I was going to make the second stand have a sink, but decided to just have workspace for him instead. He needed somewhere for his Keurig… For the top, I just used a piece of pre-cut plywood and covered it with paint samples to create a tiled backsplash look. The shelf was a Hobby Lobby purchase- it was a naked oak that I stained to match our house’s woodwork, added some pretty paper and a family photo.  I am still looking for some fun vintagey accessories that are kid-safe and something to put in the open area on the left.  But so far all 3 kids have had a great time playing with it! I bought him fruits & veggies and my MIL bought a TON of other things, including a personalized chef coat & hat.

 

 

And yes, that is painter’s tape holding the door up.  Big mistake on my part… I went for the pretty gold hinges instead of going for the hinges that would actually hold the door up when it was closed.  Oops.  We’ve found some that will work, and until then I just have them keep it closed. DSC_0070