I always thought of myself as a fairly emotionally aware person (read- cries easily, gets feelings hurt a lot, was always “the sensitive one”) but having kids has made me realize that I had no idea what emotions were. I thought being pregnant was emotionally tough, but having these little animals out in the real world brings on so much more. Here’s a look inside what I felt today.
FEAR None of us know what we’re doing. Is that fever serious? Do I let it run its course? Do my kids watch too much TV/eat too much processed food/ eat too many carbs/ have too much exposure to chemicals in cleaning products/ have too much exposure to GMOs/ not play outside enough… this one never ends.
HAPPINESS I can’t even begin this one. The smiles, laughs, ornery looks. Watching them play together (and even watching them fight, sometimes). Seeing them share food. Seeing them steal each other’s food. Hearing the hilarious things my 3 year old says. Seeing the personalities coming out in the babies. All of the things.
ANGER Just. Follow. Directions. Stop pushing your brother down. Stop pulling your sister’s hair! Why did you do that?
FRUSTRATION See above.
GUILT Guilt guilt guilt guilt. Sometimes I go to bed and think I am a total jerk mom. I think about what ticked me off, how I reacted, and am so sad.
CRAZINESS 3 kids in under 2 years. ‘Nuff said.
GRATEFUL 3 healthy, beautiful kids. Who usually get along.
LOVE beyond love. Love so strong sometimes I just want to squeeze them so hard their heads pop off.
PAIN Goodbye former idea of what pain is. Hello childbirth.
EXHAUSTION I’m too tired to elaborate.
DISCOMFORT Carrying twins. That’s 2 babies, twice the hormones, twice the size (I felt like it at least). Heart burn. Sciatic pain. Morning sickness alllll day long for 7 months. Waking up a million times each night because you have to readjust (which is like a semi turning around in an alley), because you have to pee, because you have heart burn, because you’re starving, because your toddler woke you up, because… you don’t know why but you’re wide awake!
FEAR Every time I leave the kids I am certain I’m never going to see them again. Every. Time.
EMBARRASSMENT Oh your kid can identify letters of the alphabet and give an example of a word that starts with that letter? Yeah, my kid just said “eleventeen” and then picked his nose.
PRIDE Uh yeah, my kid said “eleventeen!” That’s awesome!